THE GIANT BATHING SUIT Part 3

Today the giant bathing suit made it's third appearance. At first I didn't want to go, but decided that the third time would just HAVE to be a charm. So I suited up and drove to the pool.

After very carefully backing in to the handicapped parking space (and making damn sure I wasn't over the line this time) I got my stuff together and went inside. I checked in and walked to the pool, where I found an empty bench to put my stuff on. I took my shirt off, exposing the GIANT BATHING SUIT. I was very prepared to ignore everyone and just get in and do my thing. There was lots of noise, and much activity on the sides of the pool. I went in toward the middle and started doing my exercises. After about 10 minutes I realized that although there were many people in the area, I was the only one in the pool. I started looking around, and saw that everyone else was sitting on the sides of the pool. I went to a lady who was sitting closest to me and asked what was going on. She told me that the park people were testing the pool water and doing some cleaning, and everyone had been asked to leave the pool for 15 minutes. Oh how nice. No wonder everyone was looking at me. Again.

I got out and sat down on the side with everyone else, and just as my butt hit the concrete the lifeguard blew the whistle and said that everyone could go back in. Of course.

I spent the next 30 minutes burning off thousands of calories, I'm sure. Okay, maybe hundreds. But at least I did it. In the GIANT BATHING SUIT.

Later on I went to Kroger to get some Bing cherries. They are on sale this week and I bought 1 pound the other day but didn't taste one until last night. That's when I found out how yummy they are. So I decided to go back and get two more pounds. When I got home I started eating the pound I bought the other day. Somehow I ate the whole pound. Then I wrote something on FaceBook about having a bunch of Bing cherries, and someone kindly informed me that these cherries cause what Martha used to call 'the screaming meanies'.

Will this explosion hit me during the night, at the pool tomorrow (where it would be impossible to pull that 'girdle dress' of a bathing suit off in time), or at Archiver's tomorrow night. Great. Can't wait. I haven't shit myself in many years. Please, God, let this happen when I am at home, with no visitors, and have the luxury of my own bathroom. Please don't let me have a blowout in public!

HEY...maybe I can just eat some Bing cherries before my colonoscopy next week and that way I won't have to drink that awful stuff they make you drink to 'clean out your system'. Wonder if that would work? I guess I'll know by tomorrow.

Until then...